I hope you're ready to have some fun because today's DISH is
all about FLIRTING!
But before I get into it, I have to clear up a very common
misconception that people tend to have:
Flirting is an ability that comes to you naturally. Either
you have it, or you don't. And if you're shy - well, forget
about it! You'll have to figure out another way to attract
a man, because you'll never be good at flirting.
Well guess what?
That's absolutely FALSE!
Sure, there ARE people who are just naturally flirtatious.
It comes easily to them. In fact, most times they're flirting
without even knowing it (which can get them into trouble!).
But even if you're NOT one of these people, you CAN be
transformed into a FLIRTING GODDESS.
That's right - flirting IS a skill that can be learned and
mastered!
Are you ready to discover how?
All right!
But first, I'll share the reader email that was the
inspiration for today's topic:
"Hi Paige,
I've never been too successful at the dating game. My last
date was almost two years ago, really pathetic I know. I
feel I'm an approachable person, and that I'm fun and friendly.
Heck, if I were I guy I'd want to date me!
But I can't seem to actually get guys to ask me out for a
first date, let alone a second. I take care of myself, try
to be attractive. But for some reason I can't get a guy to
approach me.
Maybe I'm sending the wrong signals, or just really suck at
flirting. I don't really know. But it seems like everyone
else around me gets this game, and I'm stuck sitting on the
bench. Can you help me at all?
Belinda"
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Of course I can help!
And although to Belinda it seems like everyone else "gets
this game," I think she would be surprised to learn just how
many women feel just as confused and unsure as she does!
So whether you're a natural born flirt who wouldn't mind
brushing up on your God-given talents...
...or someone who's dabbled in the art flirting but would
love to be more successful at it...
...or you're like Belinda and feel that you're "stuck sitting
on the bench" and want to get in the flirting game and WIN...
I've got concrete pointers that YOU can start using TODAY!
Now, when you want to master something new it's important to
identify what you hope to accomplish.
The same goes for flirting.
THE GOALS OF FLIRTING:
You DO want:
...to have fun and get to know a little more about him.
...to show him that that you're interested.
...to make sure you give him enough encouragement
to ask you out.
You DON'T want:
...to come on too strong.
...to seem like you're just looking for a fling.
...to appear desperate.
...to scare him away.
Ok...So you notice a cute guy - at a bar, a party, the dog
run at your local park, etc.
(And if you're having trouble meeting one in the first place,
check out Chapter 3 of "Dating Without Drama"
http://www.dating-without-drama.com/datingdish/datingdish2c
where I reveal creative ways to meet good guys!)
How do you send the right signals to let him know you're
interested?
Easy! Just follow my...
7 SECRETS TO BECOME A FLIRTING GODDESS
1. Make Eye Contact.
Your first reaction to this one might be, "duh." And yes,it
SEEMS obvious, but you might be messing this one up without
knowing it.
That's because in order to send an effective signal with eye
contact, you need to hold your gaze longer than might seem
natural. Three whole seconds.
That's ONE one-thousand... TWO one-thousand... THREE one-
thousand.
But then be sure to look away. You don't want to overdo this
one. There's a fine line between sending the "Hey, I noticed
you. Come talk to me," signal and "I'm a creepy stalker
chick" signal.
2. Smile.
This is another seemingly simple tip that women screw up all
the time. It's not about mastering some super-sexy, sly,
I'm-smiling-AT-you smile.
You want to convey that you're warmhearted, fun and approachable
by smiling NATURALLY - at the girlfriend you're standing
with, at the people around you, at the bartender when he
hands you your drink, and - yes - at the cutiepie you've been
trading glances with. Guys, for all their tough talk, are
just as scared of rejection as we are. If you radiate
friendliness to everyone around you, he's going to get the
message that if he takes the initiative to approach you, you
won't bite his head off.
3. Open with something playful.
Now whether he approaches you (recommended) or you decide to
chat him up (risky, but possibly effective if done right),
I recommend breaking the ice with a lighthearted, fun and,
well, flirty statement.
For example, I met my husband through my then-roommate (they
were longtime friends who talked on the phone a lot). When
she first introduced us, the first words out of my mouth were,
"Oh... so YOU're the guy I'm always taking phone messages from."
Of course I said this with a big grin on my face.
This set the tone for a playful, uber-flirtatious conversation
that resulted in him asking me on a date.
(After we had dated for a while, he confessed that my smart-alec
comment caused him to immediately be smitten with me. His words:
"I knew right then that you were a sassy one and it drove me
crazy... in a good way.")
Obviously you can't use my line since it was unique to my
situation, but try one based on your own.
Say, for example, you're at the dog park. Try something like,
"Your boxer is totally snubbing my pug! She can't help it if
she snorts."
Or if you're at a bar, "Oh...so you're a martini drinker?
I've been warned about guys like you."
Just remember - smile, keep it light - you're going for PLAYFUL,
not biting or sarcastic. Sarcasm will immediately play into
his fear of rejection and he'll flee faster than you can bat
an eyelash.
4. Ask him questions about himself.
When you show interest in a man's life, he feels on top of
the world. By asking him questions about his career, his
family, his friends, his interests, etc - you create instant
attraction. He feels important and interesting, and he'll
begin to associate that feeling with being with you. He'll
want to feel it again, which is one of the subconscious
motivators for him to ask you out.
(Of course if he is content just to talk about himself without
reciprocating questions about you, you may decide you don't
want to go out with him anyway. Who wants to date a self-
centered egomaniac?!?)
5. Laugh.
This goes along with #4. Women love a man with a sense of
humor, and guys are acutely aware of this. If you laugh at
his jokes, his confidence will skyrocket. He's succeeded at
charming you... which means he's got the green light to ask
you out.
6. Reveal something unique about yourself.
As I mentioned in #4, hopefully this guy is doing his part to
keep the conversation flowing by asking you questions. This
is your opportunity to reveal something unique about yourself.
Maybe you have a talent like songwriting, do awesome things
for your community like building houses for Habitat for
Humanity, or are an aspiring inventor.
These things will pique his interest, intrigue him, and set
you apart from other women he knows.
Just be careful not to resort to "stupid human tricks" like
showing him that you're double-jointed or tying the stem
from the cherry in your drink into a knot with your tongue.
You're not trying out for the circus here and by the way,
that subtle sensual innuendo you think you're sending? Not
so subtle.
7. Pay attention to body language.
I read a surprising statistic the other day: only 7% of
communication is verbal (that means 93% is nonverbal body
language).
In other words, your actions (very literally) speak louder
than your words.
If a man spots you across the room but you have your arms
folded across your chest, that sends the subconscious signal
"Stay away. I'm closed off."
Conversely, if your posture is good and your shoulders are
back, opening up your frame, it sends the message that your
heart is open to possibilities (even if he's not consciously
aware of it).
When you're engaged in conversation, leaning in toward him
conveys interest (that's when being in a loud, crowded bar
can work to your advantage! It gives you a legitimate reason
to lean in and speak in one another's ear, which creates a
connection).
If you're seated, crossing your legs and pointing them toward
him also sends a message that you're interested. Very
literally, it is the act of aligning your body with his that
signals, "we're in line with one another."
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
So, the next time you're out and spot a guy you'd like to meet,
try using as many of my 7 Secrets as possible. If he's
available (that is: single and not emotionally closed off)
and interested, he should respond very favorably to these
techniques!
I hope this helps my girl Belinda get in the game...
...and helps you, Mina, to enjoy all of the fun,
attention, and exciting dating prospects that a flirting
goddess like you deserves!
Speaking of...
If you want more tips to help you achieve the fun, flirty,
fabulous dating life of your dreams, then you need to get
your hands on my e-book "Dating Without Drama" now!
In it, you'll learn...
* Creative ways to meet men & how to attract them
* The Do's and Don'ts of a Drama-Free First Date
* The *real* rules of calling and emailing
* How to tell if he's "Boyfriend Material"
...And so much more!
Just follow this link to get it:
http://www.dating-without-drama.com/datingdish/datingdish2c
Thanks for joining the DISH today! I'll write you again soon.
Your friend,
Paige
