bad behaviours,great news!!

Here's a little scenario you might relate to:

You meet a new guy and he seems PERFECT.

He's charming, funny, interesting and - best of all -
he appears to be really into YOU!

He flirts...you flirt back. He asks you out... you
accept. You begin dating and it couldn't be better.
The connection... the chemistry... everything about
him is just AMAZING.

You feel like you're living in a romantic comedy
and you've found your leading man. You even hear the
soundtrack in your head - "I'm walking on sunshine...
YEAAAHHH... and don't it feel good!"

Then - OUT OF THE BLUE - it happens.

"Mr. Wonderful" does something completely atrocious:
says something devastatingly hurtful, cheats on you,
reveals a violent side, or simply disappears into
thin air.

Errrr -- (Sound effect of a needle scratching across
a record!)

You are left stunned - What happened?

You feel foolish - How could you have been so WRONG
about him?

You've arrived at a crossroads. You can proceed one
of two ways:

1. You can throw all of your energy into trying to
make things work. After all, you have the memories of
how great things once were so maybe somehow, some way,
YOU can turn it back around.

2. You can jump for joy. Shout "hallelujah!"
Thank your lucky stars.

(Yes, you read that right.)

You're probably thinking, "Sure, Paige - I GET #1,
but #2??? Why would I be HAPPY when my supposedly
'perfect' boyfriend turns into a jerk?"

Because the man you THOUGHT you knew finally decided
to drop the act and show you his TRUE COLORS before it
was too late.

By "too late" I mean that you didn't have a lifetime
invested in a dead-end relationship or marriage with
this impostor.

You can get out of this bad situation NOW and get on
with your life.

(Important note of distinction: this is different than
when you have a disagreement or challenge to work through
in a long-term relationship. ALL relationships take work.
I'm talking about when a guy you've been casually dating
reveals that he has a completely different personality or
some sort of major deal-breaking issue.)

Today's DRAMAS OF THE WEEK are personal accounts of two
women who stood at the crossroads I mentioned. One has
chosen Path #1 and another has chosen Path #2.

There's a lot to be learned from these situations
so let's dig in!

(By the way... the advice I'm about to give really
DOES work! Check out this quick SUCCESS STORY:

"DATING WITHOUT DRAMA has SAVED me from making grave
mistakes, from potential heartache and acting like a
drama queen. By following your advice I feel confident
and full of respect." -Morgan, Seattle, WA")

************************************************************

DRAMA OF THE WEEK #1: Trying to Work it Out

************************************************************

I received this email from a reader the other day:

"Hi Paige,

My name is Beth. I have a dilemma in my relationship of
1.5 years. My fiance proposed to me, and we were supposed
to move in together when he decided one night to go out with
his friends to a strip bar and pick up three strippers.
He lied about the events even when he was caught with it.

I did not move in with him and put things on hold to work
things out. He then decided to cheat on me with two other
women and again lied to me about it.

Afterwards he came forward and admitted it, saying that
he was confused and had to make sure. Now, he doesn't want
to spend time with me. We only see each other once a week.
He doesn't want me near his family, or his son.

He says that I caused him to have red flags because of my
reactions.

Lastly, when we talked, he said that he does want to be with
me and have a future together. But when I ask to see him, he
gets upset and starts yelling saying that I am pushing and to
stop pushing because he won't want to see me.

I don't know what to do. Could you please help me?

Thanks,
Beth"
* * * * * * * * * * * *

My Response:

"WHOA, BETH!

I am truly amazed at what a master manipulator you are
dealing with here.

He has shown you his TRUE COLORS - that he is a cheater
AND a liar - and has somehow twisted everything around
to make Y-O-U feel like the bad guy!

This man cheated on you with strippers, and when you were
loving and forgiving enough to not dump his sorry butt
and instead "put things on hold to work things out,"
HIS way of earning your trust back was to cheat on you
with two other women???

And Y-O-U were the one to cause HIM to see red flags???

Honey, please! This man is playing mind games with you!

He is completely disrespecting you, walking all over you,
deliberately hurting you... and then turning it around so
you feel like it's your fault and on top of everything else,
PUNISHING you by keeping you away from his family, whom
you obviously care about a great deal.

I know this may seem hard to believe right now because
you're under the spell of this devious man, but his
exhibiting of this despicable behavior is the best thing
that could have happened to you right now.

That's because you have the opportunity to see this
person for who he truly is: the wrong man for you.

If he's treating you this way NOW while you're engaged,
what on earth would stop him from continuing this
behavior once you're married?

You have the chance NOW to get out of this relationship
before you find yourself any deeper.

As I say in Chapter 7 of "Dating Without Drama"
http://www.dating-without-drama.com/datingdish/datingdish2c
"You don't want to be in a relationship with someone
just to be in a relationship. (And if you do, you're not
giving yourself enough credit - you deserve better than to
settle for someone based on the criteria that he's 'not a
serial killer.')

It saddens me to see so many women trying to force
relationships with inferior men. It's like it doesn't even
occur to them to evaluate whether these men have the
qualities they're looking for in a partner. They become so
consumed with trying to make the man love them, they do
everything in their power to be the 'perfect' girlfriend
and completely ignore the fact that he's not even close to
being a decent boyfriend.

Like I said in Chapter 5, it is absolutely essential to
remember that there are TWO people in every relationship.
If your only concern is making a man want YOU, then you
will invariably end up neglecting to consider whether you
even want him in the first place."

You deserve to spend your life with a man who will love
you, respect you, and CHERISH you. You don't have to settle
for a relationship with someone who treats you like dirt.

Beth, please do yourself a favor and make a clean break now.
I wish you all the happiness in the world."

************************************************************

DRAMA OF THE WEEK #2: Moving On

************************************************************

Here's another email from a reader:


"Paige,

My boyfriend had proposed to me at 9 months things were
PERFECT. He bought me a beautiful engagement ring after
proposing to me on a perfect trip to Mexico. Here I thought
all was going to be perfect or even normal...

Then he decided that after our first big fight to make his
biggest mistake - he had a woman answer his phone at 1:30am.

He said nothing happened but the whole week before he was
giving me weird signals such as :

1) started spending more time at his "bachelor pad" with his
roommates.
2) Kept worrying about how he looked.
3) Kept talking about his double life ???

All that - and he couldn't offer me an ounce of reassurance.
The woman who answered his phone was 'his friend's wife'
(so the story went) ...and I'd just have to 'trust him.'

He wasn't going to be having his cake and eating it too.
If he couldn't be respectful to our future together than he
could go back to bar hopping and keg parties & petty flings!

I hope other women can learn from my wasted time and effort
on him. I was really hurt for the first week; I kept thinking
this would have been my HUSBAND.

However I'm very happy to get out before I made the biggest
mistake of my life. Sincerely ladies, it's better to be alone
and happy than committed and disrespected!

Thank you for Paige for being here for us all!

Gretchen"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

My Response:

"Good for you, Gretchen!

I am so proud of you for being BRAVE enough to recognize -
and pay attention to - the warning signals that your
boyfriend's behavior was sending...

...and CONFIDENT enough to let the relationship go because
you know you deserve better!

There's a book called "The Gift of Fear" that is about how we
all have this wonderful gift of finely-tuned instincts that
allow us to sense when something is wrong (particularly when
we are in an unsafe situation - like in an elevator with a
man who might attack us) and that we really need to trust
and act on those instincts.

I think the same is true for your case. Although you were
not in physical danger with your ex-fiance, you may very
well have been in danger of being emotionally hurt by his
unpredictable (and less-than-honorable) actions.

I am very impressed with your positive attitude. You are
thankful that you saw the red flags before you married this
man, and in my humble opinion, that is exactly how you should
feel.

You have a second chance to find the man who truly deserves
a phenomenal woman like you!

Please keep me posted on how things work out for you!"


* * * * * * * * * * * * *

So as you can see from these Dramas of the Week, it's
extremely important for you to pay attention to the signs
your man is giving you and act accordingly.

Trust your instincts and believe that you deserve someone
who will treasure you. If the guy you're dating shows his
true colors and they're not pretty, be thankful that you
saw the light and have the opportunity to move on.