Men's 7 biggest commitment Fear!!

Don't you just love the lengths men will go to prove
how tough they are?

They flex their muscles in the mirror at the gym...
They give the finger when someone cuts them off in traffic...
They drown their food in "Atomic Meltdown" hot sauce.

So why, when it comes to the idea of getting serious with
a woman, do so many of them seem to FREAK OUT so easily?

This is an issue we're going to explore in today's DISH.

Now obviously not ALL men are afraid of commitment. There are
lots of great long-term / marriage-minded guys out there. But
if you're involved with a man who'd prefer to avoid the "C"
word at all costs, you're going to want to read today's message.
That's because I'm exposing:

Men's 7 Secret Commitment Fears...

...And How YOU Can Help Him Overcome Them!

Are you ready? Well then let's dig into the DISH!


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Dating Dilemma: "Things Were Just Getting Good and Suddenly
He's Freaking Out!"

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Here's an email I received from a reader:

"Dear Paige,

I've been dating this wonderful man for 3 months and everything
was going great. I was sure we were on our way to getting
serious but now I can sense that he's pulling back (not talking
about the future as much, not calling and making plans as much).
Can you please explain what makes a man freak out like this?

Thanks,
Lorraine"


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Paige's Dating Dish Tip: "Men's 7 Secret Commitment Fears
and How You Can Help Him Overcome
Them"

**************************************************************

"Hey Lorraine,

Thanks for bringing up this topic.

As I write this to you, there are thousands of women out there
going through this exact same dilemma, and I'm going to do what
I can to shed some light on things for you!

Now, as you probably know all too well, until you and your man
become totally committed to a serious relationship with one
another, things can be rather... delicate.

For example, let's look at what's going on in YOUR head.

When you think about your future with this man, you're probably
feeling a mixture of excitement and anxiety, optimism and
skepticism.

One moment you may find yourself worrying: "What if he breaks
my heart like the last guy did?"...

But the next minute you might think, "You never know... he
could be 'THE ONE!'"

So isn't it only logical to assume that the guy you're dating
has lots of hopes, concerns, and fears of his own?

OF COURSE!

The good news is, when you're able to identify your man's fears,
you can eliminate your behaviors that play into them and create
new, reassuring behaviors that help him overcome those fears!

As I say in my eBook "Dating Without Drama"
http://www.dating-without-drama.com/datingdish/datingdish4b
even if a man shows great Potential for Commitment, chances
are good that he still has to get over some emotional and
mental hurdles before deciding that he wants to get into a
serious relationship with you.

You see, men have a lot of fears when it comes to
relationships. Here are 7 of the biggest and most common ones
and what you can do about them:


MEN'S 7 SECRET COMMITMENT FEARS...
AND HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME THEM


1. HIS FEAR: He'll have to give up his independence and spend
every free moment with you.

HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Make it a priority to
have your own life too!

I'm sure this isn't news to you, but guys really value
their "alone time." It's nothing personal - they just like
to take a night here and there to unwind, NOT clean their
apartment, play Xbox, and eat Macaroni and Cheese right out
of the pot they cooked it in.

They also need "guy time" once in a while - which basically
means they'll do all the above...except with their buddies.

When YOU have a full, happy life of friends, hobbies,
a career and interests, you'll naturally value your "me"
time too. You'll love the time you spend with your boyfriend
but you'll also have other great stuff going on.

When your man sees that he doesn't have to beg for a
night off from cuddling on the couch with you - but rather
really has to make an effort to make plans in advance and
get date time with you on the calendar or risk having to
compete with yoga or girls' night out - he will be
CLAMORING for a commitment with you. This makes you exciting,
unpredictable, and valuable, and he's going to do what it takes
to make sure he's a part of your life.

And you'll feel pretty spectacular too!


2. HIS FEAR: You'll try to change him.

HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Show him that you
accept him for who he is or give him a CHOICE (not an
ultimatum!) to change.

So your boyfriend is a bad dresser/social smoker/
obsessive football-game watcher/ (insert your
undesired trait here) and you want him to change.

Well I can tell you one surefire method that WON'T get
you the results you want:

Nagging.

Listen, I understand that some habits and characteristics
are much worse than others. Wearing the same t-shirt 5
days in a row isn't on the same level as having a drug
problem.

But when it comes to wanting your man to change, the
same principle is true for all circumstances:

We never have control over anyone else's actions but our
own. What you CAN do is make your boyfriend aware of how
his behavior affects you. It's up to him, then, to choose
to change or adapt.

If he is unable or unwilling, then it's up to you to
decide whether you want to continue a relationship with him.


3. HIS FEAR: You'll go from being the fun, cool woman he's
dating to a clingy, needy girlfriend.

HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Show him, through your
confidence and self-reliance, just how fulfilled you
are... and needy you AREN'T!

As human beings, we all have needs. That's a given. How we
choose to get our needs fulfilled, however, is up to us.

There's a very important distinction that all women need to
grasp:

Dating a great guy WILL enrich your already happy and full
life.

HOWEVER...

It WILL NOT "fix" your problems or take away feelings of
sadness.

If you feel lonely, bored or down, don't fool yourself into
thinking that calling, emailing, texting & instant-messaging
your boyfriend incessantly is the answer.

Melodramatic scenes and crying fits are not the answer.

Now don't misunderstand me here: Leaning on someone who cares
about you when you've had a bad day is totally acceptable (it
comes with the territory in a healthy relationship).

Expecting him to make you whole is another story entirely.

If you do, he will start to feel the crushing pressure of
being responsible for your well-being (which, in reality, is
up to you and only you) and this will most definitely
freak him out.

The sense of security that you long for can only come from
developing confidence in yourself. In Chapter 2 of "Dating
Without Drama"
http://www.dating-without-drama.com/datingdish/datingdish4b
I teach you how.


4. HIS FEAR: he'll have to be accountable to you for everything
(his whereabouts, how he spends his time & money, his
decisions).

HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Don't try to control him.

I'm sure you're aware of that ugly stereotype: "the
psycho girlfriend."

Sadly, the stereotype exists for a reason. In other words,
enough crazy women have practically ruined it for the rest of
us by trying to control their boyfriend's every move.

Thanks to the legend of the "psycho girlfriend," your man
might worry that one day you'll turn into her.

That means that, no matter how hard you try to ensure that
your tone isn't shrill or accusatory, a RED FLAG goes up
whenever you ask the following:

* "Where WERE you last night?"
* "Why didn't you pick up your phone?"
* "You're going out with the guys AGAIN?"
* "Are any WOMEN going to be at this 'work party?'"

So here's a good rule of thumb: If you trust your man, TRUST
him. Don't give him the third degree or he's gonna get
freaked out. And if you DON'T trust him, well, all the
interrogating in the world isn't going to fix that. Decide
whether YOU've got trust issues (then work on them) or HE's
untrustworthy (then get rid of him!).


5. HIS FEAR: He'll lose his identity... that "I" will
automatically become "We."

HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Don't be afraid to have
your own thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions... and express
them!

We often are so eager to make a special connection with a man
that we (consciously or subconsciously) start to mirror him.
If he's a huge soccer fan, we become a huge soccer fan (even if
we truly hate watching sports). If he's a night owl, we change
our 10pm bedtime to 2am. If he's a wine connoisseur, we trade
our wine cooler for white Bordeaux.

While it's wonderful to be able to learn new things and
broaden our horizons while getting closer to someone we care
about, we must be careful not to become a clone of him!

Remember, he fell for YOU, and he wants to know what you REALLY
think about everything from politics to the paparazzi. When he
suggests a hiking trip and you would rather climb a Stairmaster,
he wants to know! He'd much rather you speak up and say, "I'd
really love to do a beach weekend instead."

The most interesting relationships are when two people share
interests but also bring some differences to the table. He
wants to date YOU, not himself.


6. HIS FEAR: the exciting relationship he has with you now will
grow stale, become routine, or won't last.

HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Don't get too "comfortable"
too quickly.

Being single can really suck. So it's only natural that when
you meet a great guy, you feel ready to jump head first into
a relationship.

However, the "courtship" phase - where you take things a
little bit slow, get to know one another, flirt, etc -
is not only exciting but important.

You really shouldn't try to skip over it.

By that I mean forcing your relationship to accelerate to a
place where everything is familiar and, well, comfortable.

Get dressed up and go out on a dinner date! The time for movie
night in your sweats will come soon enough.

The same goes for your "personal items." Don't show up at his
apartment on date 3 with your pink toothbrush and a box of
tampons and ask if he can clear a spot in his medicine cabinet
for you.

Take your time. Enjoy the MYSTERY for a while...

If things get too comfortable too soon, he could get freaked!


7. HIS FEAR: He'll immediately be on the path to marriage without
having any say in the matter.

HOW YOU CAN HELP HIM OVERCOME IT: Keep your "relationship
time line" to yourself for now ... or better yet, be open
to the idea that there may be an even better plan for your
life that you haven't yet dreamed!

You see, men love adventure. At heart they long to be
explorers, discoverers, conquerors.

So the quickest way to freak a man out is to let him know
that you have a PLAN for the entire course of your relationship
that leaves no room for chance, change, or the twists and turns
that life may bring.

If you want to see your boyfriend break the Guinness Record
for World's Fastest Man (running away from you) just try
uttering this phrase:

"Wow, I'm so glad I met you. This means that we can totally
get engaged by Christmas and - wow - wouldn't a New Year's Eve
wedding be soooo romantic? Then we can move in right
next door to my parents in Jersey! And then they can babysit
for Mary-Kate and Ashley, our twin girls that I want to have
by the time I'm 30."

A word to the wise: while you're casually dating, don't spell
out all of your future plans to him.

If your boyfriend is smart, he'll realize that you're a keeper
and start dreaming of all of the amazing things he'll
experience if he chooses a life with you. (You can wait until
later to veto the parasailing over the Grand Canyon.)


You see, many men freak out when relationships start
to get serious because they apply their fears about the CONCEPT
of a commitment to the idea of a commitment with YOU.

When your behavior tells him loud and clear that you're not
that crazy stereotype of a 'soul sucking girlfriend,' he'll soon
realize that he's got nothing to be afraid of.

So I recommend that you follow my guidelines, give your
relationship a chance to GROW ...

And give your MAN a chance to GROW UP...

And that will pave the way for him to want to learn everything
about you, be inspired to become an even better person because of
you, and willingly plan for a future with you -

Without getting FREAKED OUT!

Good luck, Lorraine! Keep me posted."