Does my ex wants me back?

Quick quiz...

Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions:

a) What can I do to make my boyfriend love me?

b) How can I make my Ex want me back?

c) I wonder if guys would like me more if I:
was skinnier / dyed my hair blonde /
had a bigger chest / wore a perfect outfit every
day, etc...

d) All of the above

If you answered a),b),c) or d), then you REALLY need to
read today's Dish.

That's because I'm going to show you how a seemingly
MINOR shift in your thinking can improve your love life
in a MAJOR way.

It's all about YOU, Mina, so let's dig in!

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DRAMA OF THE WEEK: "Does My Ex Want to Get Back Together?"

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Here's an email I received from a reader:

"Dear Paige,

Hi, my name is Katelyn, I am 21-year-old woman who is a
little confused by a certain relationship.

I was seeing this guy for about 9 months. We met in
a dating service; we were casually seeing each other for
5 months, then I moved in with him (I'll add that it was a
long-distance relationship), and things were going good
for three months.

Then he called it quits, or at least that's what it seemed
he was doing at the time.

He started to IM me and e-mail me about two weeks after he
broke it off. Then he finally called me out of the blue, and
started to ask me if I was still in the dating service.

I said I was, and that I met a few people. He didn't sound
very pleased.

So, he tried to call me again to get together, which we did,
and he decided to take me to the restaurant we first met,
which was sweet. Again, he asked if I was still a member
of the dating service, and I said 'no,' which was the truth.

He told me that he met a few women, but he didn't say that
they were great or that he was dating anybody. He did say
that he wanted to meet me a couple times a month (keep in
mind that he's long-distance), and that he didn't want me
to wipe him off the map.

Oh, and to end it, when we were both in the car, he said a
little joke to warm me up, and then patted my leg. He then
asked me for a hug, so we got out of the car, and when
we were hugging each other, he went in for a kiss. Not
knowing that he would do that, my first reaction was to
pull away.

Can you help me analyze this one, because that's all I do,
but it's nice to have another woman's perspective!

What does this tell me? Does he want a second chance? Is he
just trying to be friends with me? What do you think is going
on in his mind, and what should I do? Please let me know your
thoughts!

Thank you!
Katelyn"

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PAIGE'S DATING DISH TIP: "Never Mind What HE Wants,
What Do YOU Want?"

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My response:

"Hi Katelyn,

Thanks for writing!

Ok, I know how it feels to analyze a situation with a guy over
and over... kinda agonizing and oddly exhilarating at the same
time. But what we need to do is get you out of your own head
and get you to take some proactive steps toward getting what
YOU want and deserve out of this situation.

Now I know you wrote to me to see my take on what your guy
is thinking, but let's redirect this for a minute and focus
on you.

What do YOU want out of this relationship? You might be
saying, 'Duh, Paige... I want to get back together with him,
obviously!'

Are you sure?

Do you really want to give your precious heart to someone who
isn't able to see what a phenomenal, special woman you are?
(If he is capable of changing his mind on a dime... wanting
you to move in, then breaking it off, then coming back into
your life and giving you all kinds of mixed messages, then
he's clearly not respecting you and your feelings.)

As I say in my ebook 'Dating Without Drama':

'Why do we, as women, tend to forget that a relationship is
a two way street? We become so concerned with making someone
like us or doing whatever we can to fit the mold of the
'perfect woman' a man is looking for, just so he'll want to
be with us.

What are our priorities?

Where do our hopes and dreams fit in?

Have we really stopped to think whether this man has the
qualities that we're looking for in a relationship?

When we approach a situation with an attitude that says,
'I'm a great person, and I have a lot to offer the man I
choose to have a relationship with,' we automatically put
ourselves on an equal plane with the other person. We're not
coming from a place of weakness or inferiority. We feel more
confident and hopeful.'

So that's my assignment for you, Katelyn.

I want you to think about what it is YOU'RE looking for in a
man with whom you'd have a committed relationship.

You could start with someone who respects you, who is capable
of COMMUNICATING with you so you can discuss where your
relationship is going (rather than him jerking you around
by breaking it off out of the blue and then trying to get
you back).

Do you know the qualities that make a man 'Boyfriend Material?'
(The list is too long to include in this email, but they're
in "Dating Without Drama"... Here's the link to download
your copy if you haven't yet:
http://www.dating-without-drama.com/datingdish/datingdish8c )

I realize that you are a smart, adult woman so there are no
judgments here, but I strongly suggest that you do NOT move
in with a man until you are certain that he fulfills your
needs and that you have the level of commitment that you
want out of the relationship. (That typically takes a lot
longer than 5 months of casual dating.)

Once you start living together, things can get much more
complicated and you don't have that foothold of
independence that comes from living on your own.

As for what to say to him - if you really want to keep the
door open to a possible future with him, here's what I
recommend...

If he makes it clear that he's interested in getting back
together, let him know that you are happy to keep in touch
and see him once in a while, but that you are taking some
time to figure out what YOU want out of a relationship,
and the only way to do that is to continue to date other
people (either on the dating site you were on before,
through friends, or however you choose).

There are lots of ways that dating multiple people can work
to your advantage, as I discuss in the "Dating is Like a
Job Interview" section of Chapter 6).

Then make your expectations clear - say, 'I care for you
a lot but I'm interested in a lasting relationship based
on mutual respect, not some on-again, off-again thing.
If you decide that you want the same with me, then we
can discuss it. Otherwise, I need to move on.'

You need to be your #1 priority right now, girl! Instead
of you asking yourself how you can get your ex back, guys
need to be asking themselves, how can I get KATELYN?!

Good luck and please let me know how it works out
for you!

Paige"